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Community Corner

Happy Tell an Old Joke Day

Make 'em laugh with some jokes and anti-jokes today.

Today is Tell An Old Joke Day. I am the absolute worst at remembering jokes so I decided to look some up for you.

When I keyed in “old jokes” I got a host of old people jokes. These weren’t exactly what I was looking for and since I’m on the wrong side of 50 I’m a little sensitive about old people jokes, but I found a couple that I thought were funny.

For instance...

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An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?"

There was no response.

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He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?"

Still, there was no response.

Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"

She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"

And then there was this daring one...

Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little further, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

Anyway, I was thinking about real old jokes. Like knock, knock jokes. (Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?), or Why did the chicken cross the road? Or even Little Johnny jokes. Well, I found a cute Little Johnny joke, so I’ll share that one, too.

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.

"Great," Little Johnny replied.

"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.

"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

I think my father actually told me that joke decades ago.

When I asked my children (14 and 18) for new jokes, I was a little distressed to learn that they are really into anti-jokes, something I'd never heard of before.

Apparently, an anti-joke is a joke where the listener is set up to expect a certain outcome and the fact that it doesn’t happen makes the joke funny. The lack of a punchline is the punchline. What’s disturbing is that some of these jokes are pretty dark. Teenagers love ‘em. Here goes.

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I have a gun.

Get in the van.

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Why was six afraid of seven?

It’s not. Numbers are not sentient and therefore not capable of feeling fear.

My youngest showed me a website full of these anti-jokes and they get a little predictable after awhile. Finally, I asked her if she didn’t have just some regular, normal old jokes. She obliged:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What’s red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Yo mama is so fat that when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.

How do you get a tissue to dance? You put a little boogie in it.

Anyway, these are not the best jokes I found. Most of those wouldn’t be allowed on a family website, but I hope I brought a little humor to you. Don’t forget to tell a joke today.

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